


The Fine Art of Self-Deprecation

by phantomthief_fee



Category: Bendy and the Ink Machine
Genre: And then Esther decides to adopt him, Dimension Travel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Her brother now, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jewish Character, Just two people with a lot of issues and guilt talking to one another, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Decapitation, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-10-02 20:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17270357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomthief_fee/pseuds/phantomthief_fee
Summary: The man before her is not her brother, but she wants to protect him regardless.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Control_Room](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Control_Room/gifts).



I really like [@insane-control-room](https://tmblr.co/mJlb-vW43NaJNACvfy09WfA)‘s Johan, and since they wrote [this story ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16542899/chapters/38755712)where Esther and Johan are actual siblings, I wanted to write something where Esther’s canon counterpart meets Johan’s canon counterpart. 

Esther’s main canon is [this](https://archiveofourown.org/series/917481). She’s in other stories I’ve written, but that’s where I introduced her and that’s the closest AU to the main canon of the game. 

 

* * *

 

Esther had thought she was used to her brother’s weirdness. She was used to the living toons, she was used to the demonic rituals, she was even used to hearing about the horrifying sacrifices he’d performed using his employees. But alternate dimensions, that she was not used to. And yet, here she was, in an alternate dimension, talking to an alternate version of her brother. She’d heard stories about this sort of thing before, mostly in fiction, but never had she imagined she herself would witness the phenomenon of parallel universes. This world was so different from her own, and yet, some things were still the same. 

She and Joey had gone back to the studio that day to make sure there was no lingering demonic magic. Joey was still on thin ice with everyone. Henry had managed to reverse everything Joey had done, and Joey seemed to regret his actions, but everyone was still wary of what he might do. Being that Esther was his older sister, and thus the one best able to control him, she had been entrusted with the task of accompanying Joey back to the studio. 

“Do you have the key or...?” Joey paused in front of the door to the studio. Esther nodded, digging around in her purse until she found the right key. 

“How did you get that?” Joey asked. 

“This place has been “abandoned” for years, so the city is trying to buy it back. They want to bulldoze and build something.” She replied, fitting the key into the not. “Since they couldn’t find you, they came to me. I had a key made and was going to check it out later. But Henry beat me to it.”

“Oh.” Joey’s shoulders slumped a bit at the prospect of the studio being torn down. Esther pursed her lips, glancing back to her brother. 

“I know you’re upset to lose this,” She said, her voice soft. “You worked hard to build it and you don’t want to let it go. But this place is a monument to your mistakes, and it needs to go.”

“I know.” Joey nodded, hanging his head. 

“You can always start over.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “You can learn from your mistakes. You can make things better.”

“I think I’ve run out of chances, Esther.” Joey smiled sadly before going inside. Esther sighed and followed. 

The studio was darker than she remembered. The last time she’d been there, the studio had been in operation. She let her eyes wander over the walls and ceiling, taking in the ink and cobwebs. Joey set off with purpose down the halls. He seemed to understand what they needed to find, which gave her some comfort. 

“What are we looking for?” She asked, staying a step or two behind. She couldn’t help but be reminded of when they’d been young when Joey had taken her on ‘adventures’, which had generally involved him dragging her through the woods near their house while he made up some kind of story.

“I’m not sure,” Joey admitted. “But I need to check the Ink Machine to make sure it’s off.”

“Isn’t the machine back there?” She gestured behind them. They’d passed the area where she knew the machine resided. 

“That’s the smaller one. I need to check the big one.”

“The...big one,” Esther repeated. Henry had described the Ink Machine as being pretty big. If that was the smaller one, what was the bigger one like?

“Why do you have two Ink Machines?” She asked, fighting her urge to pinch the bridge of her nose and sigh. 

“....Reasons.”

“What kinds of reasons?”

“Creating life reasons?”

"Right. Of course.” She gave in and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She wasn’t going to ask. She probably wouldn’t understand his explanation anyway. 

“Alright, lead the way.” She said. 

As it turned out, the big Ink Machine was at the very bottom of the studio. It was baffling how massive the studio actually was. Esther had seen the blueprints for the studio. She knew how it was supposed to look. And this was not it. Not to mention, the number of places that were flooded was just physically impossible. The studio defied the laws of physics. After a certain point, she just decided it was black magic and stopped questioning it. 

“Here we are!” Joey said proudly once they reached the big Ink Machine. It was massive. The size of a small house. Esther could only stare at it in complete shock and veiled disbelief. 

“This is completely ridiculous.” She muttered. 

“I think it’s pretty cool,” Joey said. “Come on! I want to show you the inside!” Esther tentatively followed him through the sea of ink and into the machine. The inside of the machine was strange, certainly nothing like she’d imagined the inside of a machine to look like. It looked almost like the passages of the studio. There were glass cases in some of the walls, showing inky forms that resembled humans and one that looked like Boris.

“This is my favorite part!” Joey led her into a small room at what she assumed was the center of the machine. It looked like a throne room. There was a large chair in the middle, surrounded by projectors. On the walls, screens were playing clips from the Bendy cartoons. There were chains hanging from the walls. 

“What was this place, Joey?” Esther asked quietly. She could think of only a few ways for the projectors to end up down here, and the majority of them involved decapitation. She’d heard the story from Henry of how Bendy had ripped Norman’s ‘head’ off of his shoulders. From what Henry had said, the demon had taken the projector with him. How many times had that scene played out?

“It was- It was....” Joey’s bright smile slowly faded. He stopped talking, staring at the chair. There was a faraway look in his eyes as if he was seeing something that she couldn’t. 

“Nevermind.” Esther shook her head, stepping toward the center. It was then that she noticed a reel sitting on the chair. Frowning, she started climbing the steps to inspect it. She picked up the reel, turning it over in her hands. It had ‘The End’ written on it in her brother’s handwriting. She made a small noise of interest. Maybe it was some sort of lost footage. She had to admit, she was rather curious what the reel contained. And there was a projector right there. It might have served as a head once, but it was nothing more than a projector now. Turning, she bent down to put the reel in the projector. As soon as she did this, Joey snapped back to reality. 

“Get off there!” He screamed. “Don’t touch that!” But it was too late. She was already fitting the reel into the projector. Almost immediately, the room began to shake, a bright light blinding the siblings. The last thing Esther heard was her brother screaming her name. Then there was only blackness. 

.

.

She woke up in a strange void. Everywhere she looked, there was only blackness. She sat up, looking around with a frown. 

“What on Earth?” Her voice echoed back on her from the darkness. She stood up, brushing herself off. She supposed it was her own fault for touching the reel. She should have known better. She sighed in irritation at her own foolishness. But then again, beating herself up wasn’t going to get her anywhere. So she started walking. She had to figure out where she was and how to get back to Joey before he did something rash.

The darkness stretched on in all directions. She had no idea which way she was supposed to be going. But she kept walking. She couldn’t stop. She couldn’t give up. That was the way it had always been. There were people counting on her, so she wasn’t allowed to stop or give up. But still...She felt remarkably lonely and hopeless when faced with this blackness. And her feet were starting to hurt. 

“Is anyone here?” She called. The only answer she got was her own voice echoing back on her. She suddenly felt very small, as if she were a child again. There was no one here. She was alone. A whimper escaped her lips unbidden. She stopped, shaking her head. No. She couldn’t let herself be weak. Then, suddenly, she heard someone crying. It was a familiar sound, one she’d heard before. Many times before. 

Immediately, she zeroed in on that, following the sound until she found herself in front of a door. Above the door was a lighted sign saying, ‘Johan Ramirez’. No, that wasn’t right. The name above the door didn’t match the voice she was hearing. The voice she was hearing was her brother’s. She couldn’t count how many times she’d come home to hear that crying. Her hand was on the doorknob before she had time to think. She deliberately paused, staring at the door. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to go in there and comfort the man she was certain was her brother. But the name above the door wasn’t his. What if she ended up walking into a stranger’s home? 

“Joey?” She said, her voice soft. Immediately, the crying stopped. 

“Who’s there?” That was her brother’s voice. She was certain of it now. She turned the knob and entered. To her surprise, she found herself in her brother’s office. The one he’d had at the studio. But the man sitting at the desk was not her brother. He looked a little bit like her brother, she’d admit that. The same perpetually messy dark hair (she remembered all the times she’d tried to smooth it down before they’d gone to synagogue, only to have it pop right back up), the same gangliness he’d never managed to outgrow, the same stupid pencil mustache. But this was not her brother. His skin was too dark, his eyes too wide and innocent, and Joey had never worn glasses in his life. 

“Who...Who are you?” The man with her brother’s voice asked. 

“I’m...” She found herself at a loss for words. There was so much pain in his eyes. He reminded her so much of the Joey she’d known before. The one who’d tugged on her skirts and shown her his drawings and always smiled and told her he was alright even when he wasn’t. The Joey she’d lost when he’d run away from home. 

“My name is Esther.” She managed to say. “Esther Drew.” Her maiden name was a closely guarded secret. No one knew she was related to the head of Joey Drew Studios. At least, not until she’d arrived at Henry Stein’s house to offer reparations for what her brother had done. But this man, this man who was so much like her brother. She would give her secret to him.

“Drew?” The man’s eyes grew wide. 

“There was a sign outside the door when I came in. It said ‘Johan Ramirez’. Is that your name?” 

“I mean, yes, but most people call me Joey Drew.” The man, despite his tall stature, seemed to be trying very hard to make himself disappear. 

“What would you like me to call you?” 

“Johan would be fine.” He said, still very distressed. “How did you get here? No one is supposed to be able to find me.” 

“I...I think I got lost. I was wandering out there,” She gestured to the void behind her. “And I heard you crying.” 

“Lost?” Johan uncurled himself a bit, tilting his head to the side. “I-I suppose that makes sense. Getting lost is the only way  _anyone_  would find me.” Esther walked over to sit in front of him. She wanted to reach out and take his hand, to tell him it would be alright. But that would be strange. They were strangers. Weren’t they?

"What do you mean?” She asked. She knew she was asking a lot of questions. It was her nature. How she’d survived. Be persistent. 

“It’s not important.” Johan shook his head, drawing into himself once more. “You should leave. I’m sure you have a home to get back to.”

“No.” 

“Please.” He begged. “Whoever you are, you’re better off forgetting me and going back to wherever you belong.”

“I’m not leaving you.” She reached out and took his hand, holding it tight. 

“You don’t even know who I am.”

“Then tell me.”

“I’m Joey Drew. That’s all you need to know.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Esther’s gaze was firm, unyielding. Johan’s was pleading and weary. Finally, Esther began to speak. 

“My name is Esther Klein. My maiden name is Drew. I have a younger brother named Joey Drew, a husband named Robert, and two children named Rachel and Isaac. I’m quite certain now that I’m from a different dimension than you are.”

“Another dimension...” Johan echoed. “That...That does make sense. I’ve visited other versions of myself before.” Almost absentmindedly, he squeezed her hand tighter. She began rubbing her thumb over the skin of his hand, the way she had when she and Joey had been little. 

“I was at the studio with my brother.” She continued. “To make sure there were no leftover traces of magic. I...touched something I probably shouldn’t have. Then I was here.”

“Did his studio fail too?” Johan asked. His gaze wandered around the office. Wherever they were now, it probably wasn’t in any studio in any world. 

“It did.” 

“I worked so hard.” Johan looked down at his hands, one on the desk and one holding Esther’s. “But Henry left. Everything fell apart.” He started to cry quietly. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to let it go. The studio was all I had! I just wanted Henry back!”

“I know.” She said. “My brother was the same way. He was always so stubborn. He could never admit defeat, no matter how bad things got. It was always the best and worst thing about him.” For a moment, they just watched each other, taking in each other’s presence. Then Johan quietly asked,

“Could you tell me more about him? Your Joey, I mean.”

“What do you want to hear?” She offered a small smile. 

“Just...anything.” He shrugged slightly. “I want to know what kind of person he is. If he...made the same mistakes I did.” Esther instinctively squeezed his hand tighter, hesitating at the question.

“He...He was different when we were little.” She said, staring down at her hand in his. “He was such a happy little boy. He loved drawing more than anything. No matter what I was doing, he’d always come up and tell me about whatever story he was making up. I was never any good at drawing, but he wanted me to draw with him anyway.” She smiled wistfully. “I’m six years older, so there was always a bit of a divide between us, but I would have done anything for him. I beat up a lot of boys who bullied him.”

“It sounds like you were a good sister.” Johan smiled sadly. 

“I wasn’t. Not good enough.” Her smile fell. “We both got older, we grew apart. I’m the oldest. I had a lot of responsibilities. And our parents had a lot of expectations for us. I followed what my parents wanted us to do. I went to college. I became a lawyer. But Joey...Joey wanted to be an artist.” She paused, pursing her lips. “They were worried about him. Starving artist is a term for a reason, after all. But he took their concern to mean that they didn’t believe in him. He started to believe that none of us thought he could do it. I'd just graduated law school, was working at a firm. I wasn’t there for him. I should have been there.” Tears were welling up in her eyes, decades of repressed guilt welling up. 

“I’m sure you did all you could.” Johan jumped to reassure her. She shook her head, trying to hide her face. 

“I should have been there. If he hadn’t run away, if he’d still had us, he wouldn’t have done all this.” Her throat felt tight. 

“He...ran away?” This seemed to catch Johan’s interest, distracting him from the crying woman before him. 

“He ran away from home after he graduated high school.” Esther took a deep, shaking breath, managing to calm herself a bit. “He wanted to go to an art college. And he went to one, evidently. That’s where he met Henry. Did you run away from home too?” Johan tensed, avoiding her eyes. 

“I’d rather not talk about it.” He said. 

“Well, alright.”

“So...Your Joey. Did he...Did he...Were the employees...” He started and stopped a few times as if he was trying to come up with the right words. She knew what he was trying to say, though.

“He sacrificed his employees, yes.” She replied. “Henry was able to fix things, but...They’ve all been left with scars.”

“I see.” Johan deflated a bit, sinking into his chair. Esther didn’t ask if he’d done that as well. She already knew what the answer was going to be, based on the look in his eyes. 

“You were right before,” Esther said after a beat or two of silence. “I  **don’t** know who you are. But you remind me of my brother.”

“Is that a good thing?” Johan asked with a weak laugh. 

“You remind me of the brother I used to know. Before he grew to hate the world and everyone in it.” She continued. “You remind me of when he had hope.”

“I don’t have any hope left,” Johan replied, his smile vanishing once more. “I don’t even  _deserve_  hope. After what I’ve done...”

“We all make mistakes. What’s important is owning up to them and trying to fix them.” Esther remained calm. “If I can force my brother to do it, I can force you too. You may not be my  _actual_  brother, but I think you still qualify as a sibling.” She could see in his eyes that he was lonely. He was afraid and isolated and alone. And more than anything, she wanted to protect him. She wanted to enfold him in her arms the same way she had Joey when they’d been children and make all his problems go away. She just wanted to make everything better. 

“Are you...You don’t seriously mean that, do you?” Johan’s face went red. 

“I’m quite serious.”

“But I’m....I’m nothing.” Johan’s voice got quiet. “I’m worthless. No one would ever  _want_  to be related to me.” His free hand instinctively went to touch his back over his shoulder. She wanted to ask, but she knew better. There was obviously a story behind it, one that Johan likely didn’t want to tell. She would respect that. 

“We don’t get to choose who we’re related to by blood,” Esther said. “But we get to choose who we want our  _family_  to be.” The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, or so they said. That was something Esther whole-heartedly believed in. The people of the studio may not have been related to each other by blood, but they were a family. They’d created a family.

Johan stared at her. Then he began to cry. Esther let go of his hand, standing up and walking over to wrap her arms around him and hold him close. She patted his shoulder, whispering comforting words. After a little bit, she started to sing a Hebrew lullaby her mother had sung to her when she’d been little. Johan calmed at her singing, at her touch. She carded her hands through his hair, the same way she did to her children when they were upset. The same way she did when Joey had come to her crying as children.

“You are not alone.” She whispered to him. 

They stayed like for a long time. Neither wanted to let the other go. Esther knew deep down she’d have to leave eventually. He was right. She had a home and a family to go back to. She had her real brother to go back to. Someone had to look out for him, make sure he stayed on the right path. She would have to leave Johan by himself, leave him alone once more. She didn’t want him to be alone. She had a feeling he did bad things when he was alone. To himself. To others. But she had faith that he could be better. 

“I need to go.” She finally said. 

“I know.” He nodded, his hand on hers. 

“I’ll find a way back to you.” They both knew it was a lie. She didn’t know how she’d come here. There was likely no way to recreate it. But she was still going to try. 

“I hope you find your way home.” He smiled softly as she moved away from him. “I hope you can help your Joey.”

“I hope you can help yourself.” She replied. She stood in the doorway, staring out into the darkness. Then she stepped out, the door shutting behind her. Johan was alone once more. But for how long...that was uncertain.

.

Esther woke up to her brother frantically shaking her shoulders. There were tears in his eyes. When she opened her eyes, his face broke in a smile. 

“Thank goodness!” He hugged her tightly. “I was so worried!” Esther didn’t ask what had happened. She didn’t want to know. Whether it had been a dream or not, that wasn’t what mattered. 

“I’m sorry.” She smiled softly. “I didn’t mean to worry you.” The man she’d encountered in that void was still someone real. She was going to find him again. She wasn’t going to let him be alone. Not anymore. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He misses her, and so he seeks her out once more.

 

And [here’s](http://insane-control-room.tumblr.com/post/182086538491/freckle-decided-to-size-up-this-strange-man-his) Johan’s initial reaction to meeting dear Freckle. 

* * *

It had been a few months since Esther’s little foray into another dimension. She hadn’t told Joey about what she’d seen. He had to focus on becoming a better person, not figuring out how to access other dimensions. Things were…getting better. They weren’t perfect, but everyone was slowly healing. It was a process. More than anything, Esther was happy to have her brother back. She’d missed him so much, especially since their parents had died. She recognized that her brother wasn’t the little boy she’d once known, but she was still happy to have him back. Her children were still getting used to him, but Isaac definitely took to him better than Rachel. 

At the moment, Joey and Esther were sitting on the couch in Esther’s home. Her husband, Robert, was out with the children getting groceries. This left Esther and Joey alone, allowing them to talk. They’d been avoiding  _actually_  talking for a while now. But after everything that had happened in the past year or so…They needed to talk. 

“It’s good to have you back,” Esther said. They’d been sitting on the couch for nearly an hour now, avoiding looking at each other. 

“Did you miss me?” Joey asked with a small smile. 

“Of course. We all did.” She reached out and took his hand. 

“Never seemed like you’d miss me,” Joey muttered bitterly. Esther sighed heavily, squeezing Joey’s hand. 

“I know that’s how you felt. But Ma and Pa always loved you.” She said. “They were just worried about you. Animation wasn’t even an industry back when we were kids. And making a living as an artist has always been hard.”

“That’s…fair,” Joey admitted. “It just…” He paused, his lips twisting in irritation and frustration. 

“I know. You felt like none of us believed in you.” Esther finished. “Believe me, I know.” Joey hunched his shoulders at the memory of the confrontation the two of them had had in his office the day Esther had visited. 

“You don’t have to say it like that.” He grumbled. 

“You said it enough times to Ma and Pa that I heard about it.” 

“I didn’t say it that much.”

“Sure.” 

“Come on, you’re making me sound like a brat!” 

“You were a brat.” Esther folded her arms. 

“Well, you were always a stuck up know it all!” Joey fired back.

“You take that back!” Esther demanded, jumping to her feet. 

“Make me!” Joey yelled, doing the same. 

This resulted in the two of them screaming at each other, all the built-up tension exploding as they yelled out all their feelings. Although, most of their insults were more than a little petty. They hadn’t seen each other properly since they’d been kids, and it seemed their relationship hadn’t moved past that point. 

“Your mustache is stupid!” 

“At least I don’t have grey hairs!”

“Some of us didn’t get to have their age frozen in demonic ink for nearly 20 years!”

Suddenly, Joey stopped. He was staring at the window. The big bay window in the living room that overlooked the front lawn. Well, that normally overlooked the front lawn. Now, it was black. For a moment, Esther was confused. Then she followed his gaze. 

“What on Earth?” She stepped away from her brother, getting up to go over to the window. She stood in front of it, seeing her disheveled reflection in the blackness. Tilting her head to the side, she reached out and touched it. Her fingers found only cold glass. She could see ones and zeroes in the darkness, standing out starkly in green. It was like…Like watching the code on a computer.

Suddenly, the surface began to ripple. Instinctively, Esther took a step back, just in time to see something, or someone, fall through. 

“What the-?” Joey started to ask, only to be interrupted by Esther. 

“Johan?”

Johan looked up from where he’d fallen flat on his face. His glasses were a bit askew, but for the most part, he looked fine.

“Erm, hello.” He managed to get to his feet. “I’m sorry to drop in on you like this so suddenly. But..well…It’s been a few days and I was worried and I-”

“Wait, wait.” Esther stopped him. “A few days?”

“Yes. It’s been a few days.” Johan repeated. “Why?”

“Johan, it’s been nearly two months.”

“Oh…” Johan’s face fell. “Well…I suppose…I guess time works differently when…Well, you know.” 

“I’m still happy to see you.” She smiled and went in to hug him. Only to pass right through him. To her surprise, she saw ones and zeroes instead of a flesh and blood person. Joey shrieked, stumbling back as he saw his sister pass right through the other man. Esther pulled back with a frown. 

“Sorry.” Johan smiled apologetically. “It’s a bit of a tradeoff. I can either have a physical form or sanity.”

“And you chose sanity.” She concluded. Johan nodded. 

“Well, regardless, it’s good to see you.” Esther smiled softly. “I was worried about you.”

“Thank you.” Johan smiled shyly, a blush coloring his cheeks. 

“Um, excuse me?” It was then that Joey’s voice reminded the two of them that they weren’t alone. Esther turned back to look at her brother. He was standing where she’d left him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

“Right.” Esther took a step back. “Jojo, this is Johan. Johan, this is my brother.”

“Don’t call me that in front of him!” Joey hissed. “Who is this guy?!”

“He’s you from a different dimension,” Esther said. 

“Me from…” Joey blinked. Normally, he was the one telling people ridiculous things. It felt strange to be on the other side of it. He looked over at Johan again. His heart skipped a bit. Now that he gave the other man a proper look, he really was handsome. 

“Hello.” Johan smiled shyly, raising one hand to wave. Joey felt the heat rising in his cheeks.

“Well, erm.” He cleared his throat. “I suppose the world is strange and unknowable sometimes.” He stuck his head out. “Joseph Drew, nice to meet you.”

“Johan Ramirez. It’s nice to meet you too.” He tried to shake Joey’s hand, but their hands passed through each other.

“Ah, right.” Joey smiled sheepishly, withdrawing his hand. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, really,” Johan reassured him. Esther smiled to herself, hands on her hips. Johan glanced toward her, and she noticed the helpless look in his eyes. 

“Is something wrong?” She asked. 

“Oh, um, it’s nothing,” Johan said quickly, his cheeks turning a bit red.

“Johan.” Esther folded her arms, shifting into her patented ‘mom’ voice. Even grown men crumbled under her gaze. And so Johan did. 

“It’s just…” His eyes flicked to Joey and he lowered his voice. “You didn’t tell me he’d be  _this_  handsome!”

“Pardon?” Esther looked at him blankly.

“Look at him!” Johan gestured to Joey. “He’s gorgeous!” Joey blushed, hunching his shoulders a bit.

“Truly, sir, you are too kind.” 

“Him?” Esther pointed at her brother. “Him? You think  _he’s_  gorgeous?”

“Don’t sound so surprised!” Joey sputtered. “A lot of people find me handsome!” Esther kept staring blankly at Joey before turning back to Johan.

“Him?”

“Esther!”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” Esther laughed. “It’s just weird having people be attracted to my little brother. He’s still a dorky little kid in my head.” Joey glowered at her, eyes narrowed. But he had to salvage this somehow. Clearing his throat, he addressed Johan,

“So, you’re me from another dimension?”

“Oh! Yes.” Johan nodded. 

“Then, did you…” Joey hesitated, finding the words difficult to say. Thankfully, he didn’t have to say anything. Johan’s face fell, his gaze dropping to the floor as his whole body seemed to deflate a bit. 

“Yes. I did.”

“Ah.” Joey smiled wearily. “I’d sort of hoped other versions of me hadn’t made the same mistakes.”

“I’d hoped the same thing,” Johan admitted. “But, well, it seems like all of us go down the same path sooner or later.” Joey was quiet for a moment, staring at Johan with an unreadable expression on his face. He was handsome, Johan thought. Freckles dotted his skin like stars in the sky, dancing over the bridge of his nose, lingering in the hollow of his neck. His hair was black, but it wasn’t the deep blue-black that Johan saw in his own reflection. Joey’s hair was a dusty black, intermingled with hints of brown. 

Johan could see the resemblance between this Joey and Esther. They had the same high cheekbones, the same strong nose. Both of their bodies were thin and willowy but belied a quiet sense of strength. Both siblings had lines around their mouths and eyes, lines that crinkled when they smiled and made them seem warm and approachable. 

“MOM!” The quiet moment was interrupted by the front door opening and Esther’s children sprinting inside. 

“Hey! Don’t run in the house!” Robert’s voice came from outside. Johan instinctively tensed up as the children came into the living room. Almost immediately upon seeing Johan, Rachel stopped in her tracks. Isaac ran into her, stumbling back. 

“Why’d you…stop…” Isaac started to ask, before trailing off as he saw Johan. “…Um…Hi…?”

“Hello.” Johan waved nervously.

“Who’s he?” Rachel demanded, turning to her mother with her hands on her hips. She was an average looking child in nearly every way. Her hair was brown, her eyes were brown, she was neither thin nor fat, neither short nor tall. Her shirt and skirt were rumpled and her hair was in messy braids. But Johan couldn’t help but be a little intimidated by the look in her eyes. She was certainly a fierce one. But then again, she was 14 and felt she had something to prove. 

“This is Johan, he’s a friend of mine,” Esther said, gesturing to Johan. “He just wanted to stop by and say hello.” Rachel narrowed her eyes at Johan. Behind her, Isaac peeked out curiously. He was smaller than his sister in height but considerably stockier. His hair was dark, similar to Joey’s, and it flopped over his big brown eyes. 

“I like your glasses.” He said quietly. He looked rather fascinated by Johan.

“Oh, thank you.” Johan smiled at him.

“You’re really tall,” Rachel announced. Johan couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Yes, I am.” He replied.

“Do you think he’s taller than Mr. Polk?” Isaac asked. “I didn’t think anyone was taller than Mr. Polk.”

“That’s true.” Rachel nodded solemnly.

“They know Norman?” Johan looked over at Esther and Joey. 

“Of course we know Mr. Polk.” Rachel said before her mother or uncle could explain.

“We know everyone from the studio,” Isaac added. “Well, most everyone.”

“It’s kind of funny how many people around here are connected to the studio.” Rachel started to count on her fingers. “Mom’s Joey’s sister, Mr. Foster is Mr. Henry’s foster son, Miss Nancy is Mr. Lawrence’s sister, Mister Chris is Mr. Cohen’s cousin..” She kept counting on her fingers, listing off a bunch of different people in her life who were evidently connected to the studio.

“I tried to keep them away from it.” Esther’s gaze softened as she looked at her children. “I wanted to pay my reparations to Joey’s employees in secret.”

“But Rachel’s really nosy,” Isaac smirked behind his sister. 

“I am not!” Rachel stamped her foot indignantly.

“Are too.” 

“You wanted to know what Mom was hiding too!”

“What are you two yelling about?” Robert asked, entering the house with arms full of grocery bags. He was a rather nondescript looking man. Average height, a little stocky, grey-haired.

“Isaac called me nosy!” Rachel yelled, pointing at her brother. 

“She is!” Isaac protested. Robert sighed, only to look up and see Johan. He frowned slightly, glancing at Esther. 

“This is Johan. He’s a friend.” She explained. 

“I see.” Robert nodded. He didn’t entirely understand who this man was, but he was pretty sure Johan was probably involved in some kind of dark magic. 

“Kids, could you help me with the groceries?” He asked. “I think your mother and Uncle Joey want to talk to their friend by themselves.”

“But I want to know who he is!” Rachel protested.

“Sweetheart, you don’t need to know everything,” Esther said.

“I know that.” Rachel hunched her shoulders. 

“Come on.” Robert gently dragged Rachel away, Isaac taking his free hand. Esther sighed heavily.

“She just doesn’t know when to quit.” She folded her arms, hunching her shoulders a bit. Joey pursed his lips, moving closer and putting an arm around her in an effort to comfort her. 

“You’re afraid she’ll end up like him,” Johan said. Esther and Joey both looked abruptly up at Johan. 

“Yes…How did you know that?” Esther asked. 

“I mean, it’s not hard to figure out.” Johan smiled slightly apologetically. “A common thread among us Joey’s is the fact that most of us don’t know when to give up.”

“It’s true.” Joey echoed Johan’s sheepish smile. 

“I suppose it is.” Esther conceded, her gaze drifting back toward the door. “I just don’t know what to do. She’s so singleminded. I’m afraid she won’t understand how dangerous her attitude is until it’s too late.”

“We’ll figure something out.” Joey tried to reassure her. Esther just sighed again, collapsing onto the couch and beginning to massage her temples. 

“Should I…?” Johan pointed back to the window. “I…I don’t want to intrude.”

“I think she needs a little time, yeah.” Joey nodded, his attention on his sister. “It was nice meeting you, Johan.” He glanced back at the taller man, smiling softly. “I’d love to see you again. This, uh, might not be my house, but I say you’re welcome here anytime.”

“It is mine and I agree.” Esther murmured from the couch. “Come back anytime you like.” 

“Thank you.” Johan’s smile was enough to make Joey’s heart skip a beat. The taller man nodded and turned to the window, giggling to himself before disappearing back into a line of code. Joey then returned to the couch to try and cheer up his sister. 

A few hours later,  Johan appeared once more. Joey and Esther were taking turns reading from a trashy romance novel Esther had bought years ago to cheer each other up. She’d bought it purely to have a reason to talk to Robert, not to actually read it, but it was still fun to drag out and read out loud every so often. Most romance novels Esther read were at least slightly well written and had premises that made sense. This one…well…It was a wonder it had gotten published in the first place. 

“Stop! Stop!” Joey was howling as Esther read the sex scene. “This is awful! How the Hell was this published?!”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Esther giggled, lowering the book. It felt good to be spending time with him like this. She’d missed him. Suddenly, there was a thud from the window. The siblings turned to find Johan falling to the floor again. Only this time, he looked absolutely distraught. 

“Johan?” Esther put the book down. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I’m sorry.” Johan sobbed, still in a crumpled heap on the ground. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t stay away. I-I tried but I w-wanted to s-see you again.” 

“We just saw each other an hour ago.” Esther hurried over to kneel before him. “Johan, what happened?”

“N-No.” Johan looked up, revealing his tear-stained face. “It’s b-been a year and a-a half for me.” He sniffed loudly. “I-I’m sorry. I m-missed you both. I had t-to see you again.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” She tried to touch him again, but her hand went through him once more. This time, though, something was different. As her hand passed through his code, she suddenly saw… _things_. A Bendy cutout with terrifying eyes holding a sign saying, “Wandering is a terrible sin”. A Tommy gun. 

“What the-?” She jerked her hand back. 

“What’s wrong?” Joey got up from the couch as well. “What happened?”

“I just…” Esther trailed off, staring into the space where she’d seen the cutout. 

“…It’s nothing.” She finally said, shaking her head and kneeling beside Johan. “Are you alright?” Johan just shook his head, his lip quivering. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Esther’s voice was gentle and comforting. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. You’re welcome here any time. We both told you that.”

“You’re not alone.” Joey knelt beside both of them as well. He’d been told that ever since he’d been forced to confront his actions. He wasn’t alone. He had to confront what he’d done, but he wasn’t alone in his road to redemption. So this Joey shouldn’t be either. 

“Do you mean it?” Johan asked quietly.

“We do.” Esther and Joey said together. Johan stared tentatively at them for a moment or two before shakily smiling. 

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Esther reached out to touch his shoulder, but pulled back once she remembered. 

“Sorry.” Johan managed to pull himself into a sitting position.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Esther assured him. “Although, I am curious why we can’t touch you.”

“I’m a glitch.” Johan began to explain. “If bugged code touches another segment of code, that code will temporarily be erroneous until it is replaced where it should be.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Esther admitted. She could work a computer, sure, but she didn’t understand the nature of coding. Joey just sort of frowned into the distance, mouth opening and closing as he tried to wrap his head around this. 

“I…” Johan stopped talking, getting very still and looking past her. 

“Johan?” Despite her better judgment, Esther reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. As expected, her hand passed through his body. But what she saw this time chilled her to her very core. Johan, covered in ink, in the form of the Ink Demon. 

“Nevermind.” Johan cleared his throat and shook his head. 

“Esther? Are you alright?” Joey asked, noticing Esther’s expression. Johan’s gaze was drawn to her as well, her face a mask of horror. 

“What’s wrong?” His brow furrowed in concern. 

“I…What was that?” She whispered. 

“What are you talking about?” Joey grabbed her hand, trying to ground her. 

“When I touched him before, I just saw a creepy cutout and a gun,” Esther said, staring at Johan. “That was…Oh, sweetheart.” She looked like she wanted to enfold him in her arms and just keep him there. “What on Earth happened? How did you become that demon?” Johan’s face went pale, or at least as pale as it could conceivably go. 

“You…Saw it?” He asked slowly. 

“I did?” Esther faltered a bit at his reaction. “Was I…not supposed to?” Johan scrambled back a bit, starting to rock back and forth as he mumbled to himself. 

“No no no no. That’s not supposed to happen.” He murmured. 

“Johan, it’s alright,” Esther said. “I was just startled. You don’t need to feel bad.” 

“No one else is supposed to see it!” His gaze snapped up to her, eyes wide and frantic. “I did this to myself! No one else is supposed to share my burden!” 

“It’s alright, really.” Esther insisted. “I only saw it for a minute. I’m fine!” 

“It’s not alright!” 

Joey was utterly lost by this point. Esther and Johan were arguing about something he hadn’t seen and didn’t understand and he was rather confused. So he edged back a little, especially after Johan abruptly went silent. The other man’s form was starting to glitch, and suddenly Esther and Joey could hear his voice in their minds. 

“OH GOD THEY KNOis that a chickeARGH MY HEAD IS KILLIall around me are familSHUT UP SHUT UP SHUarscenic contains traces of acetone right, so i canUSELESS NOTHI-" 

“What. The. Fuck?” Joey whispered. 

“Johan, darling, you need to take a deep breath.” Esther tried to regain some kind of control of the situation. “I think you’re starting to lose control a little.” She didn’t get a verbal response, but she and Joey were assaulted by another wave of semi-coherent and completely nonsensical thought.

It took quite a bit to finally calm Johan down. But Esther was patient and Joey was pretty desensitized to crazy shit by this point. 

“I’m sorry,” Johan mumbled once he’d calmed himself. 

“It’s okay,” Esther said. “This is all a learning experience.” She smiled wearily. “I’m still glad you visited.”

“It’s interesting to meet another Joey.” Joey agreed. “Especially one as handsome as you.” He winked, leaning on his hand. Esther rolled her eyes and swatted at his shoulder. Johan stared blankly at him for a moment, then giggled, his face turning red. 

“I-I should be going.” He got up, clearing his throat. “I’ve imposed on you for long enough.”

“Come back whenever you like, handsome~” Joey said in a sing-song voice. 

“Jojo!”

“What? He’s into it!” 

Johan quickly exited through the window, smiling to himself as he went. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of feelings about Control_Room's Johan. He's such an amazing character. And I certainly know how to write self-deprecation.


End file.
